Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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