I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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