I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
