so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
