I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
