Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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