Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
