i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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