tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
