I cannot find my penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
