I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
