All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's blow job season.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
