I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
