Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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