Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
