Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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