i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
