We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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