Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
