But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
