I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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