he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
