kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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