A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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