Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
