Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
