This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
