Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Green mimosas i think yes
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
