He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
