I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
