so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
