Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
