He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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