considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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