Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
