thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize