people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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