my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
