Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
