i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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