are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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