Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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