I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
