i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize