Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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