Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
