Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
