It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
