do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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