Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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