I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
