I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
