They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
