I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
