didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
