Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sext me about skeletons
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
