We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
