i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
