every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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