no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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