This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
