I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
