i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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