I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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