I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
