If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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