I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Randomize
