Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
