We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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