Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
