i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize