You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
