well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize