I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
