A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
bring money and cleavage
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
