Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Never underestimate the power of titties
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
