I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
