I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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