Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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