sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
