i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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