Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
