My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
id be glad to
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
