no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
