She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
