Banned from zoo.
Again?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
