I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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