I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think your dad took our porno
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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