That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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