carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
