my phone needs a breathalizer
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
