My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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