Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
