I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
