it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
