then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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