He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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