I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
