ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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