She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
