She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
