Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
