we have officially lost it.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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