I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
