I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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