I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
