How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
