I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
