I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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